i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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