I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
