But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
