Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
