He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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