Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
