only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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