if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
