when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
