Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
