"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
