His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
