like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
