I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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