Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
