My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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