so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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