God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
