I must be too annoying 4 u.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
