The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he had hair everywhere except his balls
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
