I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
