there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
