I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
