Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
