Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize