One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
