My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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