I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This toilet bowl is my home.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
