If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
