Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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