Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
