I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
