i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My boob is missing a layer of skin
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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