When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Panties = found
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