Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
