Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
