You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
