Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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