ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
