too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
