I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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