Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
