Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
