guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
