You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
