I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
