you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize