I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
