Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
