peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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