I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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