so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
