whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
