Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
