So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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