Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
