yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
