just come out here and I will go home with you...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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