It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
