It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My underwear smells like fireworks.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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