It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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