Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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