My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
