I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
