So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
