i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sorry about my life...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
